I feel inferior compared to my BF's EX?

Question

OK so my BF just got out of a 7 year relationship. He is 30 and dated his 50 year old social worker who is drop dead gorgeous, and looks 30. She had an MSW but was fired (live in small town, news travels) when she started dating him (left her husband). She is beautiful and very intelligent. I have a disability and am not very attractive. She was also a mother figure in his life. I am currently working towards a care aid diploma and don't even have a drivers licence. I just feel like he traded in gold for copper and feel inferior compared to her. Apparently she cheated on him and hurt him but nonetheless he stayed with her for 7 years because he loved her so much. She has a very bad reputation in town. 

What should I say to him about my feelings of inferiority.

♥ ∂σll ♥ · Accepted Answer

If you know the problem why make a wrong solution.You don't have to say anything to your boyfriend of your complex.Its your problem not his.You're mature enough to sort it out.You don't always have to be drop dead gorgeous to be for and with somebody.Sometimes its the person who matter and not the beauty.He shall be really upset.I know 7 years isn't a less amount of time.So just be concerned to be by his side now rather than being worried about your beauty more or less than his x or y whoever.

Ok... · Answer

You dont say ANYTHING about your feelings of inferiority.  NOTHING!

That's on YOU to deal with, not HIM.


Put it this way:  If you were with a guy that was CONSTANTLY saying to you "you traded in gold for copper/ I dont deserve you/ im crap/  etc etc etc.   You know what you'd feel?  THis:

"He is a LOT of work, and its stressing me... maybe I do deserve better... hey, he's right!  Goodbye!"  

That's the truth.  So go see a psychologist, therapist, become more secure with yourself, do what you gotta do.  But DONT breathe a word of it to him.  Let me put it to you this way, and I know you live in a small town, but consider this:

You can see those white guys, in the groc store, with their flat and greasy faced, man eyebrowed, weirdly short limbed, no makeup, not smiling, not friendly, and not even English speaking Asian girl....  and do you know why those guys are with her???????

Because he is ATTRACTED TO HER.  And attraction has nothing to do with personality, or even looks.  It has to do with attitudes.  Because that fugly asian girl, has some balls.... and that's what men want in a woman.  A woman who can stand her ground.  Idc if you are less attr than her, or if you are disabled; your bf has CHOICES in women and he chose YOU.  You should be happy in this thought.  Good luck.

? · Answer

First, copper is very expensive these days. Second, you are putting the feeling of being inferior on yourself. You are inferior to nobody, and especially to someone who cheats. Sounds like you're working hard to better your future, and that's awesome! Ex's can most certainly be "just friends," but I would be careful. He chose you to be his girlfriend, so he must like you for who you are, right? :) Good luck.

The Holy Shroud of Turin · Answer

I wouldn't tell him as the first answerer posted.  It sounds like this your own internal issue. However, I think there are some things that need to be addressed.

Does your boyfriend constantly bring her up in conversation?  If he does, this could be red flag that he wants to be back with her.

If he doesn't bring her up much in conversation, I would think that means he is over her and you just have to deal with these insecurities in your own mind.

I feel inferior compared to my BF's EX?

4 Answers