what am i supposed to do with my mother? i feel like i;m gonna lose my mind?

Question

well im 23 years old..  when i was 17 i witnessed my dad being murdered in our home.. my brothers were in their room and my mom was screaming in the drawing room.. thats what woke me up... and thats when i saw 3 men kill my dad! to go through **** llike that as a teenager i just thank god my brothers and sister werent there to see it happening cus i know it would have messed them up big time..    but anyways... my mom , my entire life has always put me down.. never encouraging me to follow my dreams only hers...  doctor this and that since my entire family is educated no one has ever put any effort outside of that stuf s,, ,llike sports or art.. when i was a kid i was a ace soccer player and community leages noticed wheni was 11 yrs old and asked me to play with bigger kids  my mom declined with out asking me.. i took up music and vocal . and i must say im pretty good and whne my coaches would request companies to come and see me she again would decline with out asking me i continued with what i was doing until  i was 17.... it seems that anything i do even now at 23 isnt good enough.. now shes trying to get a me a job at a bank even though i dont want to.. i luve to travel... it keeps my mind off of things like what hapenned when i was 17  she doesnt get me , not my brothers my sister  or anyone else.. my dads family said we died for them the night my dad died and my moms famioly his been nothing but verbally and emotionally abusive.. and i hate that my mom is that way with me especially after everything we have gone through and put up with.. i gave up my child hood for 3 kids ( my siblings) cus my mom was the type to not care and those kids are the only thing i have left of my dad's .. but wut really gets me is how she makes me feel bad for trying.. trying to be my own person.. trying to learn the world outside what i was brought up in.. which  was abuse  and i have a tonne of scars to prove it.. she makes me feel worthless and stupid cus all the girls in my family my age are getting married or are either married with atleast one kid.. im not getting married any time soon lol. i knwo  that but she makes me feel bad cus she says it will never happen cus im dumb.. even though i know im 23 im an adult and i shouldnt care but i do cus shes my mom,,,.. i worked say in and day out to build our famnily a home afte we lost ours when my dad died and she acts ungrateful.. i probably wouldnt have but i did cus of the kids.. we were liviing in a 2 bedroom 1 bthroom rental with teh 5 of us full of cockroaches  :((( it swas awfull and embarrassing for my briothers as they would want frnds over but didnt cus they hated it! but what shoudl i do with her..?   she sthe only parent i have left and family really and both sides dont like talkiong to me cus im adopted.. :/ 



 im sorry about it being so long but it just hurts that all.. i have worked realy hard to give my sibling a better life than what i've had..   a little insite would be nice.. thnx guys

Nerdangel · Accepted Answer

I think that you are an extremely strong person and no way are you going to lose your mind as long as you stay as strong as you have been, I'm very sorry to hear what happened to your dad.
I know it's easier said than done, but you need to have a serious chat with your mum, explain to her how you feel and if she rolls her eyes or grunts disapprovingly ignore it and carry on. But also remember how she feels the night your father died, ask her if she's okay, be considerate.
I honestly don't think that they don't like talking to you because you're adopted, i think that you just need to pick up the phone more often and really talk to them and ask them to help, explain how you're feeling and maybe they can do something about it.
She only wants the best for you and my dad is the same, he wants me to be a Lawyer or a Vet and i honestly don't have the grades for that and i have no idea what i want to do with my life but i am grateful he's trying to help. I think that you need to do your own thing in the job department, ask yourself, what is it that you really want to do and really go for it, don't let your mother live her life through you, maybe you could coach your local soccer team?
I think that you just need to rebuild the bond you have with your mother and the rest of your family, good things happen when you make an effort,

gospel · Answer

Hi Dear,,
This side Mohit..., 
.
I understand what you are facing right now.I know the feeling when Parents stop caring us.
And know the Importance of Brothers and sisters.
.
Your Mother loves you very much, she is only possessive about you and ur brother , sisters.
She got a mental shock when she saw you dad's death.
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But moreover you a right to choose what you have to do in your life, but some times for our dear once.., we have to think about the future problems also.., 
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Plz take this thing out that you are adopted......., it will always stops you to think bigger.
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Not only bankers earn money, money can be earned by the travellers also.
You can earn money while roming and searching new places...., it is just you are not getting the correct person, who can show you the correct path...,
.
Moreover relatives only want to make relations with rick people..., 
so its an advice, never ever go to ur Relatives.

boo · Answer

i cant help you and i have never bee through something so horrible 

i think that you need to travel and do the job you want to because you dont want to get older and by crying your should have could have would have 

if it doesnt work out you have a back up plan as a banker 

i am so sorry your mum is like that and it great what you have done for your family 

i think as long as you are making good money she will get over it. just know that she love you and wants you to do well

manciel · Answer

She's obviously SOOOOO jealous of you to act that way. So use this for your benefit pricey. do not enable her smash you down/ She is so threatened by way of you, so she's taking administration by way of undermining you. on each and every occasion she does this, purely ignore her. save being sweet and responsive for your husband. Neither of you may ever compete with one yet another. You sleep in her son's mattress. that is a few thing she will under no circumstances do. So she may imagine she will practice dinner and sparkling more suitable, yet finally you're his lady, no longer her. An you'd be the only to undergo his little ones, no longer her. I propose that you save as a lot distance from her as available She is the poisonous type of MIL she will attempt to break you adult men aside by way of frightening you each and every of the time. So save her a procedures and away. visit her abode yet do no longer make it a habit. yet maximum heavily continuously save your self assurance round her, do not provide her the excitement of creating you experience undesirable,. She is a tragic lady and feels replaced by way of you.

what am i supposed to do with my mother? i feel like i;m gonna lose my mind?

4 Answers