Who is technically fatter?

I think your friend is being too harsh she didn't need to say it like that and there's nothing wrong with not wanting to be with someone who's out of shape even when you're in the same boat because what if one day you decided you wanna work hard and focus on your health and fitness? you might have to worry about if they're on the same page as you or not. One thing i've learned the hard way before is sometimes you have to cut out distractions and cut through all the bs and just go for what you want. Distractions include bad people and people that are bad influences because they kind of take you away from your goals and that would be counterproductive for you. I don't think that anyone should talk bad about anyone's weight but you're not obligated to date your friend's friend just because she thinks you two should date there actually has to be an attraction and a desire there to be together and if you don't have that its good that you're being honest with her and yourself. Good luck and hope this helps.

Appearances are very subjective and open to interpretation.

One specific way it’s feasible? If he has ascites.

Otherwise, a male with that height and weight and otherwise equal body mass distribution will most likely not look obese.

One of the determinants of healthiness is whether they’re fat from subcutaneous fat or visceral (internal) fat. Examples are a sumo wrestler has much subcutaneous fat but can be relatively healthy because of the amount of exercise they do and foods they eat and have little visceral fat.

 A relatively thin looking Japanese man on the street can be very unhealthy because he has a lot of visceral fat inside his abdominal cavity and around his internal organs but nothing is visible and he appears on the thin side of normal. The dangerous fat is deep within. Too much visceral fat is unhealthy and usually associated with elevated levels of health problems.

You are technically fatter than your friends friend. Personally though you should be happy that you have a girl who likes you, thats rare. Just saying a women of any size is lovely.

a mere 7 inches difference in height doesnt account for over 100 pounds difference in weight.  YOU are fatter.

your BMI is 56.85

her BMI is 45.72

You sir, are significantly fatter than she is.

I don't think the point here is the stats of you vs the other person. If your standards to date someone are that you don't want a certain thing/type of person, then it's not someone's issue to tell you you're wrong. Yes, you're cutting out a slice of population as potential dating partners, but then it was your decision and you seem happy to live with it, so it shouldn't matter to others. 

It sounds more like your friend is sensitive and defensive over her other friend, for whatever reason.

sorry, you are...................

BMI = weight (Kg) ÷ height (meters) ÷ height (meters). The larger BMI, the fatter you are. 

You are both over the recommended for your height. 

.

Per the source calculator (depending on body frame size):

You should weigh 152 - 175 lbs = 210 or more lbs overweight 

She should weigh 109 - 127 lbs = 123 or more lbs overweight

(calculations for overweight took each person's weight and subtracted the max recommended for their height, with a large body frame).

.

You're attracted to what you're attracted to. Many years ago I was 90 lbs overweight and never did I look at a really overweight guy and think "oh, yeah...I want that". I also didn't get upset that the vast majority of men didn't appear to find me attractive (I didn't think I was either). 

Well you’re damn near 400 lbs. I don’t think you’re in a position to be picky buddy

The average weight for someone 5'9 is 130 - 180 pounds across both genders.