Is my girlfriend a bad mother? What do I do? ?

Question

So me and my girlfriend got a surprise last year.  A positive pregnancy test. We have a beautiful son.  He’s often fussy but he’s just an amazing little guy.  Anyways.  I work during the day to support all of us and she stays home with the baby. She breastfeeds so there’s a big plus.  And she’s a pretty cool girl in general. But she has zero patience with the baby. As I said he is often fussy but I’m convinced at this point it’s because he’s still hungry.  She only feeds him maybe 5-10 minutes at a time. And as soon as I get home she sets him in my lap and disappears to the bedroom until bedtime. When me and the baby come to bed, only feeding him when I insist there is nothing more I can do to settle him down. Now we’ve hit a point where, because we took him to the hospital one night when he would not stop crying and she insisted he wouldn’t eat. . . The doctors found nothing wrong wth him but gave him infant Tylenol just in case. Now she wants to give him Tylenol all the time.  He has a perceived dairy and soy intolerance (Mostly because that’s the default for fussy babies who are fed enough and his diapers are a bit slimy) and she continues eating dairy and soy.  Now I can’t keep letting her feed our baby Tylenol when he’s crying because honestly I think he is just starving (He’s 5 months old now and needs to eat more)  when I imply his problem is that he is hungry she threatens to leave me. I don’t want to lose him over it but I also need to keep him safe. Serious advice?

Mia · Answer

Well, she is not very kind to your child. Are you married? Maybe she's just annoyed that you haven't asked....but anyway is there any reason to not like your baby? Like, some people think that deformations make babies useless...its horrible but true that might be why...

? · Answer

You can try substitute formula. He may also be fussy from gas. Try rubbing his belly and motioning his legs like a bicycle. Check out some youtube videos. If your baby is not gaining proper weight then that would be cause for concern. Your gf may suffer from pp depression. It's hard being a first time parent especially if you don't have support.

Coach Simon · Answer

This is a matter for a professional such as a doctor or nurse. Is her own mot her around to support her? Or your mother? Other female relative? She could well be depressed, your wife.

Thinking of her as a "bad" or "good" mother is not appropriate. Seek out a professional.

Good Luck!

A Hunch · Answer

1. You and your partner should have discussed pumping months ago which would give you the option to feed the baby on your own without her.  This will free her up from being solely responsible for the food intake day and night.
2. We have no idea how long it is before you get home from work and your child goes to sleep.  It's going to be different behavior if it's 1 hour vs 5 hours.
- but realize that your partner does need some time away from the infant and you need some alone time with the infant.
- when the baby gets extremely fussy do you take the baby for stroller rides or car rides?
3. You aren't going "to lose him" over it unless you mean your girlfriend is so fedup with you she is going to live with the baby.
4. In a few weeks you can start introducing solid foods, if you want.

Pearl L · Answer

maybe you can leave her and file for custody

Is my girlfriend a bad mother? What do I do? ?

5 Answers