Check my japanese?

Question

これはわたしのじんせいのはなしです。

わたしがうまれたとき、おじいさんとおばあさんにプレゼントをもらいました。私がそだつと、がっこうにはいりました。りょうしんにすうじについてをおしえて���らいました。それから、だいがくでかいけいがくをべんきょうしていました。

今、しょうらいはかいけいしになりたいです

I have a composition to hand in tomorrow, but im not sure if my japanese makes sense. I needed to use ~とき、~ and ~と、~ sentences, but im not sure if I used the と correctly.

Translated it is,
This is my life story,
When i was born, i got a teddy bear from my grandmother and grandfather. When i grew up, i entered school. My parents taught me about maths. So, i study accounting at university. 
Now, in the future, i want to become an accountant.

The Sauce · Answer

Looks like you've forgotten to cut and paste the Japanese for "When i grew up, i entered school. My parents taught me about maths. So, i study accounting at university," so I can't comment on that. You're using ～とき correctly, but I'm guessing ～と is in the part that's been left out, so I can't tell if you're using it right or not.

In the sentence about when you were born, you don't specify that your grandparents gave you a teddy bear, just a "present" (though that doesn't materially change the story, so it's not exactly a problem).

Overall, nice work, though!

Updated comment:

Good work overall. I understand everything you want to say. However, a couple of points:

1. ～と is generally used for direct cause and effect situations and things that the speaker feels to be inevitable outcomes of a given situation. For example, "If you press here, the lid opens" or "When you smile, the whole world stops and stares for awhile." If your sentence were a generalization, such as "As children get older, they go to school" it would work. But in your sentence, you are only talking about a progression of events in one particular instance, and so  ～と is not what would usually be used. Usually, this would be something like 私は、学校に行く年になってから学校に行きました (わたしは、がっこうにいくとしになってからがっこうにいきました)。
(BTW, "seichou suru" is only "to grow", not "to grow up".)

2. In your sentence about learning math from your parents, choose either について or を, as they serve the same grammatical function. Either one is correct, it just depends on what you want to say.

3. それから would be read by most people in this context to mean "after that," but it seems like you want to connect your learning to appreciate math with your decision to study accounting, so you would be better served by something like その結果 (そのけっか-as a result of this).

Hope this helps!

Check my japanese?

1 Answer