Crying to get what they want?

Question

My daughter is 4 1/2 and has recently started crying all the time and I believe it's to get what she wants.  For example, if she doesn't like the pants I've picked for her to go grubbing in the yard, she starts getting all upset and crying and then the fight is on if I won't go get her a new pair.  I just tell her if she doesn't like the pants I've picked, she can go pick her own, but she flips out because she wants ME to go get new ones (which I refuse, I'm not her slave, and she is capable of doing it herself).  She wanted to go ride her bike today, well it's very windy and cold so I made her put her rain jacket/windbreaker on and told her it had to be zipped up.....again the fight was on, with her crying and flipping out because she didn't want the jacket zipped up..... rules are::  either you wear it zipped up or you come in the house.....she didn't want to do either but she ended up in the house because she didn't want to keep it zipped up......then all this commotion woke up my 8 month old who had just gone down for a nap and OH MY GOD...... LOL!!!!!  

I guess what I'm asking is for someone to PLEASE tell me this is normal behaviour and she's just pushing the envelope to see what she can get away with and to see if she can get her way by being a brat (I don't give in!!!)

There is a long story behind this as well and to sum it up, my parents live downstairs and my dad will give her whatever she wants, doesn't EVER give her trouble and lets her disrespect him at her whim, drops what he's doing to do what she wants etc........I've talked to him and he just doesn't listen...I may as well be talking to a rock.  Do you think this could be part of the reason for her behaviour?  She knows better than to do it to us, because we don't give in.....we stick to our guns, but the last few weeks she's gotten really bad.

marys.momma · Accepted Answer

Well, it's a stage.  She's trying to figure out whether your rules are Laws of the Universe, or simply the way Mommy wants things done.  With your father's actions so different from yours, it's no wonder she's confused. 

Some ways others have coped:
— Give her the illusion of control by laying out two or even three acceptable outfits for her to choose from.
— Let her go out in bad weather without her rain jacket zipped up for once.  When she comes back in all wet and cold, don't say, "Well, that's why ... etc."  Just be sympathetic, take off the jacket, and say something like, "I bet you were pretty cold out there."  Be prepared for teenage rebellion about this issue -- I see high-schoolers walking by our house in shorts and flip-flops in 40° weather, just because the calendar says it's spring.  They'll learn eventually.
— Set up situations where even she can see that doing what you tell her would be the better choice.

lynna · Answer

I have a 3 year old who does the same to me. My mother n law was living with us for a couple of months and i noticed that he started acting spoiled and disrespectful but it was because she would babysit him while i was at work and she allowed him to act that way.  She recently moved out and his attitude has changed. So I do believe your dad has something to do with her behavior

? · Answer

Maybe a little harsh discipline will help or this really helps me by giving a rough voice and getting mad at her while i take away her favorite things.

maggy · Answer

she testing u like your dad to see if your same as your dad but your not are u so u keep it keeping saying no to her she will keep trying it but she will stop when she know u wont give in to her so keep up your good work don't make u mad keep calm

Crying to get what they want?

4 Answers