Why can't we take our own advise?

Question

I've been reading a lot of questions and answers in this section, (divorce or separation) and so many of us have similar answers, and we know what others should do, usually looking out for themselves and leave the cheater or whatever, but when it comes to us being in a similar situation, it's so hard to do what everyone suggests,  and usually what we've advised, and what we know is the best thing for us.  
example, my husband left me in Nov. I know he's a scum sucking lizard, and I know when he calls,  he wants something, (sex) and I know I shouldn't, but I do it anyway, and i know he wants his cake and eat it too, and I'm stooping because I still love him and don't want the divorce, that I'm willing to do just about anything, But if I were answering someone else's question of what to do, i'd tell them to run as fast as they can in the opposite direction... 
Is it a case of "do as I say, not as I do"?
anyway...... this is mostly a thought at 2am while I can't sleep...

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

When we look at somone else's situation we are on the outside looking in with no emotional attachment so we often feel we have a genuine answer for their problem. When it comes to ourselves we are so emotionally and physically involved we have a hard time of letting go in our own situation. It's not that we can't sit back and objectively look at it and come up with a solution.....it's most often that we don't want to. We want to try and hang on to the dreams and wishes we had envisioned for ourselves and it hurts to just let them go and wander into the unknown. It's great to see all the different suggestions here on Q&A. For myself I feel that professional counselling they are just interested in your money and you're just another number to them. On here....I feel some people put in genuine answers sometimes and try their best based on life experiences. You are probably asking this at 2am because your mind is going over and over everything that's happened to you and trying to find a solution for yourself!! Hopefully you don't stop looking and someday someone will say something that hits home and helps you in a big way.

Anonymous · Answer

It is much easier to be objective when the story does not involve you personally!! When it get personal we have to deal with our own emotions and emotions cloud sound judgement and reasoning!!!! When we read a story on YA we are not confused by emotions, we just see the facts and sense the other persons pain!! We respond with advise and sympathy that we hope will help in some small way!!! We also try to share something that we learned the hard way through our own mistakes!! By doing this and hopefully helping others we make ourselves feel a little better and a little less alone!!

As for your situation you know that the only thing that is going to help end your pain is t break this off!!! It will be hard andit will hurt for a while; but it will slowly get better!! And as you rebuild your life without this person, you will rebuild your self respect and your zest for living and having fun will return!! First thing you know someone special will notice you and how together you are and bam the love bug will strike again!

Bloodscythe T · Answer

It's called blinded perspective. We know what we do is wrong but until we're tired of it, we'll excuse ourselves in any way to get around what we really want to avoid. It is true that most of the time, we all ready know the answer--the answer we don't want to particularly face. Just because advice is good doesn't mean it applies to every situation---and one can give good advice without actually doing it. The truth is, it's all easy to write, harder to do, because we make excuses--love, whatever it may be. If you really love someone, you must love yourself first--which is why abuse can not be excused away by love. It's manipulating and terrible. Anyway, I'm sure you all ready know the answer...:D

clcalifornia · Answer

YOu need to start listening to the voice in your head that says........JUST SAY NO.

You will never get him back by being his tramp.
If he wants you back, he does it the honorable way.

Hon, you fear being alone. What you have is worse than being alone. It will just get worse.
You really really need this guy off your back.

Be strong. Get some counseling. Get a support person who can help you get through this. Change your phone number. STart to say no to him.

You need to work on your self esteem. You will be glad you did in the long run.

Take care of you first.

craig b · Answer

Isn't it amazing how hard it is to live in truth? When you can come to realize that marriage is not about what we can get but about how much we can give - it'll make much more sense. 
Sounds like you're ready to give and all he wants is to take. 
Time to stand up for the truth.

Anonymous · Answer

Sorry girl......I pray things get better between you and your husband.......men are so immature they think we women can be bought with sex....it is most irritating and an insult.....tell him you value love and respect more.....hope he will see through his pathetic attempts to win you over.....that is what he is doing 'trying to win you over' .....eventually he will learn to give  what you expect out of him.....give him some more time....good luck and God bless you.

Anonymous · Answer

I hear ya woman, i just think its more of people wanting to find answers to more or less agree with what they are already going to do anyway, making them feel like it will be ok.

Blackerdaberry · Answer

Preach sista!

missypyra · Answer

Ah bless us human beings..

Anonymous · Answer

Often, you can't see the woods for the trees.

Why can't we take our own advise?

11 Answers