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Hoosier Mom asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

What's your reaction to this poem I just wrote about love & relationships?

Leggo O' My LegoMobile II

The lone hand aligned the two lost worlds with the rest of the universe...

Drivin' along in my legomobile

A globe was suddenly tossed beneath the wheel

I whipped my head around but no it wasn't Augustus

Who's to say whether it was one man's justice?

The soothing hand dropped the thing from another world into my path...

Drivin' along in my legomobile

Once more on a pretty even keel

I was startled, I must admit

It caused me stop and ponder for quite a bit.

The counseling hand made a double crossbones sign just in front of me...

Drivin' along in my legomobile

I slammed to a stop with a great squeal

My chosen path not the right one it seems

I reversed and chose instead the path of my dreams.

The indifferent hand taught me something about them, I think...

Drivin' along in my legomobile

It felt like my heart did an aerial cartwheel

Along with the music I was listening to

As I paid attention to life's lessons, old and new.

The aggressive hand said via thought bubble, "Gun the man down" in glow-in-the-dark terms...

Drivin' along in my legomobile

Somethin' stuck in the engine flywheel

I could go no further without some help

Definitely aggravating enough for a strong yelp.

The taxidermist hand led me to an unmarked grave...

Drivin' along in my legomobile

Fixed by someone with negative sex appeal

I was diverted to a path I'd definitely not chosen

But one I have to admit, after the shock, was ambrosian.

The sarcastic hand yelled, "For the love of money don't let this one get away, silly!"...

Drivin' along in my legomobile

Guided by the thoughts after dark I definitely feel

I couldn't stop but had an epiphany

Kinda hard not to pay attention to such a litany.

The final hand was blown away by the storm...

Drivin' along in my legomobile

I saw it all clearly, kissed with a seal

Through the lightning flashing all around

I clearly chose not to run aground.

Whether the planets remain aligned is anyone's guess

Separate they might just make a mess

If there's one thing I know it's that I have a choice

But sometimes it takes input from others to hear my voice.

This time I'm gonna build my own legomobile

I'm gonna stay behind the wheel

Whatever comes, joy or sorrow

I will keep building and learning, each day, each tomorrow.

Update:

This was written in response to this question:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=200710...

I just couldn't write a murder/mystery without writing this first, based on a poem I'd written long ago but completely different subject, and with the titles given as my muse. (:

Update 2:

Isn't there *anyone* on Y!A who will read this and give me some input? <feels sad>

1 Answer

Relevance
  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    The contrast between strict meter/rhyme and the prosaic lines is a difficult technique to master. Some readers may have problems following this.

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