Am I asking for too much for my dream woman to be smart, can cook, saves money and spends smart, gets an independent life skilled man ?

This is how me and my boyfriend are, so it’s definitely possibly. Although he is an extrovert, he does like his alone time from his experience of being around people when he was younger. I am naturally an introvert and our lives mesh because of the fact we enjoy being alone together. You need to find somebody that meshes with you being an introvert. 

As long as you're not also expecting her to look like a super model and perform like a porn star in bed you shouldn't have a lot of trouble finding a practical, independent mate. But you have to bring your best self to the relationship too so if you're not already in treatment for this anxiety to claim to have that would be the first step. It's one thing to ask someone to be patient with something you're working on fixing, quite another to just use it as an excuse for why you can't be held to normal standards.