My ex still “has feelings” for me but isn’t ready to be with me?

Question

So we broke up a few months ago and it was kinda messy. We were both pretty bad to each other but we stayed friends. I still want to be with her and I’ve never hidden that and we agreed that we would see how we are as friends then hopefully learn to work better together, we’ve never been better since realising how bad we were together and I’m ready to get back together. However she still says when she thinks of getting back with me her brain says no, it’s been months and I’m worried it’s never going to change so I told her the other day I’m going to get over her and focus on myself. She got really upset and started crying but we agreed it was fair rather than leading me on. We still agreed to be friends tho but basically my question is, will she ever get over what happened in the past and want to be more than friends? If so how can I help that and if she won’t then I’ll move on. Many thanks in advance.

Foofa · Accepted Answer

If you're grown adults and this was a years long relationship you should consider couples counseling to prepare you to try again. But the amount of time since a breakup doesn't matter as much as what you've both been doing with that time. Sitting around crying isn't going to enable you to just get back together. It's only if you've done some soul searching and figured out how you contributed to the problems that you might have a shot at reconciliation.

g · Answer

Being "just friends" doesnt work when one wants a relationship and the other doesn't. You end up reading more into every interaction and see hope, while the other person feels pushed into something they don't want.

You need to move in in whatever way feels best to you, and leave her to do the same. Only time will truly tell the difference.

? · Answer

in reality, there will never be a right or wrong predicament of whether someone will ever get over something (especially a relationship or a person), or whether they will want to get that thing back. heck, even that person might never know. no one on here will be able to give you that answer, and she may never be able to either. only time can and will tell you the answer to that. you have to feel that decision in your brain, heart, and gut. if you truly feel like something will change and you can feel it deep down and in your heart that she will eventually come around and the wait will be worth it, then i say go ahead and wait it out. but if you feel like it'll never happen and it will only be a waste of time, then you know it's time to just be friends with her but move on with your life. i hope everything works out for you, bud.

? · Answer

I think you need to move on even if she wants you back. This sounds like games. If she is a game player you'll get this BS all the time and it will be a never ending nightmare. My advise: move on emotionally, but continue to romance your way back into her heart, and once you have her back in love with you, dump her cold. That will put you in the driver's seat fully in control and her holding all the baggage while you are emotionally free and untied.

I've found that to be the best revenge on game players.

My ex still “has feelings” for me but isn’t ready to be with me?

4 Answers