How long should a married man expect to go without sex in marriage?.?

If she accuses you of throwing a guilt-trip, accuse her of the same (complaining that you have the audacity to ask for sex after 2 yrs of abstinence)....

If it were me, I'd sit down and explain to her bluntly (but nicely) that the withholding of sex and the lack of ANY effort to change things, was damaging our marriage and could eventually cause it to end...I'd discuss options such as seeing her doctor to find out what could be done to make sex more comfortable, or if it was no longer a physical issue then I'd suggest solo and/or couples counseling...if she refused to take any steps to improve the situation, then we'd part ways (as amicably as possible) and she'd be free to live a celibate life on her own, not inconveniencing anyone with her lack of desire for sex...

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Marriage Without Sex

Married Without Sex

Lack of sex is usually the symptom of bigger problems.

First of all, does she know that you'd be happy with physical intimacy without sex? Maybe she's holding back on that because she's apprehensive about it leading to something else.

If she's gone through health issues, she could be facing a lack of confidence in herself and her body. That's where you can really help. Compliment her in physical and non-physical ways. If she feels loved, she'll be more likely to give you the sort of love you want.

As far as the "why" -- she probably wants to talk about almost any other soul-searching topic except that one. So talk more about other things -- share your goals, have fun together, laugh together. Let her do things for you that aren't sexual, things she'll feel good about doing. The key is, though, that you're doing these things because you enjoy them and you love her, not that you're expecting anything in return. Emotional foreplay without expectations helps awaken the sleeping giant.

All that being said, though, if you've been doing all those things, 2 years is a long time. It sounds like this is something she should be talking with her doctor about. Again, you'll get more results if you make this about being concerned for her, not being concerned for you. Also, sleeping in separate rooms is a romance-killer for many. Is there an alternative?

One more thing. How is your relationship in other ways? Sex may be at the top of your concerns but from her point of view, it may be the result of a bigger disconnect. As painful as the truth is, don't discount the possibility that she does in fact want it -- just not with you, or at least not with you in the present state of your relationship.

I'm not the type of person to advise some one to cheat on their husband so I'm going to tell you what I think about the situation. As much as your husband says he's off on business trips for work how can you really be sure? The way he's grown apart from you isn't simply by out of the blue and he might be having affairs outside the marriage. If that turns out to be true you have to ask yourself whether or not you'll regret stooping to his level and cheating as well. Imagine what that will do to your marriage if he finds out. Are you ready to deal with the fallout? That being said try talking to him again about the concerns you have in your marriage. Be honest with him and even admit to being tempted by a younger man due to the lack of intimacy between you two. You shouldn't be punished for your truthfulness especially since you haven't done anything wrong. Yet. See what your husband says. If he's not the least bit outraged or upset it might be because he's been feeling the same. But if he does admit to having affairs think about what that will do to your marriage and family. Are you willing to stay with him despite is infidelity? And be prepared just in case that he wants to end it once the truth does come out. I can only hope that he's not being unfaithful since 15 years of marriage is a lot to throw away and that your admission will open his eyes to everything he's about to lose if he doesn't take more interest in your relationship. And if your marriage should sadly end then try dating your younger man, especially since he won't be as much of a rebound since you already have feelings for him and he for you. HTH :)

You definitely need either to force a very frank conversation with her that demands some explanation/change or else should get marital counseling to help you have that conversation if you want to stay married to her. You have been more patient already than it's reasonable for a spouse to ask for (unless there is some terrible ongoing health problem), and you will only feel worse about your marriage and your wife if you don't figure out what's going on. And there is something major going on if you haven't been able to talk frankly about this for TWO years to find out what's going on. You have to be ready for what you learn -- maybe she just isn't attracted at all and doesn't want to say that because she loves you in other ways (i.e., as a friend) and doesn't want to hurt you; or maybe she's dealing with some terrible personal thing that you should know about but don't because you all communicate so poorly with each other. There should be no guilt in telling her that you require physical intimacy from your wife because that really is part of any happy marriage, but you will also have to really listen to her (and try to refrain from blame and anger unless she's actually been cheating or something like that) to figure out what should happen next--and a good marriage counselor can make that conversation happen if you can't by yourself. If she just doesn't want to be intimate with you, then it may well be time for you to move on -- you may even be able to stay close friends after a divorce, but this isn't going to get better unless you can talk about it (and see whether she wants it to get better, too). I don't think any woman really thinks it's reasonable to withhold for months in a row, much less years, and expect her husband to be okay with it, so you should be able to nip any attempt by her to make you guilty for bringing it up in the bud.

marriage is not about this mate. I have been around the block a few times, speak from 30 years of marital experience. first things first, what you are doing is wrong. if I posted about my wife like this she would have kicked me on a plane across the world with no return ticket. I am surprised, very surprised your wife puts up with this. true marriage and love is all about love and regard for the other person, not about sex. you have no grounds either complaining about her on here after leaving a post that others are finding offensive and abusive, not to mention the effects this will have to her. the real issues are why is she putting up with this. I know my wife wouldn't. I also don't expect things from my wife, I love her unconditionally. there are plenty of people in this world that cant have sex because of physical issues. that is why marriage should be about love. going to extremes to be abusive towards another person to try to get sex is going to get you no where. I used to have the same problem and all it did was dig a pit for myself. I have been married probably longer than you and know what makes a relationship work.

At your ages, I'd be darned if I'd go "without" for THAT length of time!!! She is NOT being a bit fair to you!! I would talk to her about it, IF she gives you still another excuse, let her know you are going to counselling, want her to go, & get it straightened out once & for all. IF she refuses that, I'd tell her you ARE going & GO, by all means. It does help, I've sure done my fare share of it & it's helped me greatly. The more you say, the more you'll get in return. I'm sorry, but unless she has one dag on GOOD excuse, she has NO excuse. You could even ask her if she wants you to go "elsewhere" for it if she's not going to care that much about you & your needs. See what she has to say about that. Just to see what she'd say. But 2 yrs. is far too long to keep putting you off, I don't feel there is any reason to warrant that unless she IS IS really not well. Do what you must, but I definitely would do counselling to get the impute of a Professional...best to you...:)

if you were my spouse, instead of talking to you about anything you would have been shown the front door. posting about her like this is serious lack of respect to her in the first place, no matter what the issues are. this alone would be enough to take anyway any sexual desire in any woman. you cant do things like this and expect that there wont be reprecussions. if this were me in her shoes I would simply tell you I will not be even talking to you about anything until I see these posts stopped. there is no way I would allow my husband to do this. perhaps you are sexually frustrated because you recognize you have some issues. I have known of a lot of people that have gone a lot longer without sex and I don't see them treating their spouses this way at all. its a good thing you posted asking the site to remove this because I was about to report this too. I have said this same thing on here to other postings I have seen from others, you are not the only one. before your spouse agrees to do anything you need to take a look at the things you are doing and stop posting stuff behind her back. I assume it is after reading one of the responses in here. it seems too you have the mentality that she is causing all the issues lookingat your post and I doubt that counselling would even help right now til you are in position to take responsibility for some of the things you are doing on your end. I have been in your position and ended up wasting money on one just to find out later on down the road that I was not ready for it.