How do we ask our roommate/bestfriend to contribute to shared meals?

You explained it well here, so tell him the same thing. He needs to pay his share of meals and do more around the place. He will take advantage of you only as long as you let him.

Well, the least confrontational way to do it would be to say nothing, but stop cooking enough for three. But obviously, if you suddenly start doing this, he will realize that something is up. He won't know what the problem is. The situation will get awkward.

So although you don't like to discuss these things, that seems like the only way to resolve this.

It is very impolite of him to expect you to pay for everything. But you and your husband are contributing to the problem. It is shocking that you allow him to step back and not pay at restaurants. If you don't start being more assertive, you are going to keep being taken advantage of and this will poison your friendships.

I would have your husband talk to him, since he is the friend. Say something like:

"Ben, now that we've settled in, let's talk about our setup. How do you want to continue doing meals and housework? Right now, Sheri is taking care of most of the work, so let's be fair and spread things around. We're happy to have you continue joining us for meals, if that's what you'd like. We could put in for meal groceries together and keep them on a certain shelf of the fridge. Then each take care of our own snacks and keep those in a personal area. How does $X per week for food sound? As far as housework, what kind of schedule would suit you? I suggest..."

Your problem isn't the food, it's that you're recently married and your husband's best friend lives with you in a manner that's so close he knows when you're eating!!! Doesn't he have his own room and entry door? And didn't you establish rules about his use of the kitchen? If he has kitchen privileges do you expect him to wait until you've eaten? Bottom line, it's an awkward situation all around and you should have worked it out beforehand.

If you want to continue to eat with him (as a newlywed I don't think it's wise) sit him down and make a schedule about dinner preparation -- who cooks when and who cleans when. You, then your husband, then him. That way he'd be providing the meals 1/3 of the time and that's fair. If that's too confrontational for you, start leaving him on his own as you go out to dinner with friends or on your own during "date nights" or even on little picnics. In other words, break the pattern of asking him to eat with you every night. Then don't re-establish it. But it will be tough without hurting anyone's feelings, so if you're OK with cooking and his constant presence, just have an honest conversation with him.

"Roomie, if you're be taking part in family meals then you also need to take part in preparing and cleaning up from those meals and in shopping and paying for those groceries. Are there some particular chores you'd like to take on? Or would you like some suggestions?"

"Here is the receipt from this week's grocery shopping. I've circled a few items I think you should help pay for. I think $25-30 is about right, but look it over and make sure you think that's fair."

If you're all going out together, discuss ahead of time whether it is your treat or whether he is expected to pay his own way.

If you are all out for a meal, why doesn't your husband pick up the bill and say "Right, that's $20 each" and put down $40 for the two of you - or you could pick up your purse and put in your share, too, just to show what's expected?

Ask him to give a little contribution any way he like. Money or buying groceries or....... etc.

Maybe he might get upset if you ask it. But better to do that and he should also understand it

Explain nicely