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How many children....?
I'm just curious on what other families have decided as far as expanding your family. My husband and I have two children. A boy and a girl. I've always wanted at least one..maybe two more children but my husband is dead set against it. My husband claims that if we have anymore children then we won't be able to provide a nice lifestyle for all of them. I see his point of view, and of course respect it. We're not wealthy, but we make an okay living and are able to give the two children that we have a nice lifestyle and they have many opportunities like being able to travel, play sports, etc. I know if we had one or two more children, we would'n't be able to give them all the same types of opportunities.
That being said, I'm just curious if you could chose to have a large family but always be stressed because of finances would you? Or would you rather stick to having one or two children, but be able to give them great opportunities in life and have little to no financial stress?
My husband and I are almost 40 and our youngest just started school. I can't help to think it would be so sweet to have just one more baby around, but at the same time I'm not sure I want to go through the whole pregnancy/baby stage again. That being said, since I'm getting older, I also see how beneficial it would be having a larger family. My father in law is sick, and my husband is one of two children. He's been left to help his mother do pretty much everything. I, of course help when I can, but his sister doesn't do anything. I see how stressful it is for my husband to try and balance everything and can't help to think that this could happen to our two children one day. Will my husband and I end up sick and need to rely on our children for help? If so, I would feel terrible to put that burden on just one. I know it sounds silly to think this is a reason for wanting a larger family, but it's a very vaild reason.
I also know how it feels to grow up being poor. Both my husband and I were raised without money. We had little to no opportunities as a child. We both hated it, and have often talked about how we had wished we both had more opportunities growing up. I would be really heartbroken to think that the two children we do have would have such sad memories of their childhood.
I know having more children probably isn't in my future, and I'm okay with that. I enjoy every minute I can with the two that I do have. I'm just curious as to what others think on the situation. There's no right or wrong answer....so please no ranting.
6 Answers
- Anonymous9 years agoFavorite Answer
If you guys end up having another baby when your husband did say he wasn't happy with the idea, you never know how he's going to feel about it afterwards or if the child is in some way going to be not as wanted as the first 2 - it may not happen, he may love it and treat it the same as the others, but then again he may not, even if he's not doing it on purpose. So you also never know if any of that may lead to any sort of resentment on your husband's side or on the child's side when they grow up.
Also, i would never get myself into a situation where we have to stress about finances - it's just the way me and my husband do things - if we can't afford it we don't get it, and we don't live on credit to buy anything either. So if that means we have to settle for one child then so be it - all of us will be better off for it. And who needs the stress of worrying about something as important as finances anyway?
- tigerprawnLv 49 years ago
i have 2 kids from a previous marriage and was willing to stop there but when me and my OH got together, after 3 years we wanted 1 more of our own so now I'm 17 pregnant with number 3, I will be stopping here though lol. I think that you can have a big family on a budget, in our home if I make a family sized lasange I always have left overs, same with curries, and spaghetti so you can feed maybe 5 people on one meal which would have either gone to waste or been frozen for a later date. Also clothing and toys can be reused by younger siblings, kids dont care if its new or old as long as it's fun and usuable :) Lego for example can be used again and again, toy cars, trains, dolls. You heat your home for the same amount of people no matter how many are in your home and water used is spared if siblings share baths for the early years and shower later on :)
- Mrs CLv 69 years ago
I see where you're coming from. I'm expecting our second child early next year (we have a two year old) and my husband is adamant that this will be the last. He is an only child and would have liked to have a sibling, I have a sister and couldn't imagine having grown up without her.
My husband cites age more than anything for a reason to stop at two (he is 44). While I would like to have three kids, I feel very grateful to have two and my husband is a great man and wonderful father.
Look at what you have and be grateful for that. You're blessed with two children, enjoy them.
- royalbirdLv 69 years ago
We have chosen a large family over a "nice lifestyle" as you put it. Vacations, while nice, aren't a necessity in the well-being of a child. Neither are opportunities to play sports and do other activities. Those things are nice, but not necessary. That said, if you're careful with finances, it is possible to have a large family and still have some of those luxuries. We have five kids and I stay home and my husband makes a median income, but we have been able to make sure the kids are involved in dance, gymnastics, band, piano lessons, and sports (when they want to be--our older boys are not very interested in sports but they have tried basketball, baseball and flag football). We don't go on "vacations" but we do travel to see our family, which is spread all over the United States and even the world. We don't have nice cars--our cars are functional and not eyesores, just very practical. We don't buy name brand clothes unless we can find good deals, but what are clothes for, but to cover one's body according to season? As long as they are clean, looking nice and not threadbare, they don't need to be expensive. It's just a matter of priorities. Our priorities are to have a large family and teach them to work hard and be grateful for what they have rather than have money to spare and only a few kids. We have money sufficient for our needs and even some for our wants but as long as our needs are covered, we are happy. Our kids love that they are part of a large family too and always ask us if we can have even more kids.
- 9 years ago
You know what? I'm all for 3 kids. I think its a good balance, BUT I watched my sister and husband with children. He's an only child and only wanted one. My sister said that kids need siblings. She got pregnant and had a beautiful boy, BUT she says that her husband definitely treats the first as his only and the second as a not-wanted. He's a great dad, but on subtle levels, like love, she sees him deprive the second child, without his knowing it.
Not saying anything more than....you never know how someone else will act when they have specifically said they didn't want it. They don't even know, so how could we? good luck.
