what am i supposed to do with my mother? i feel like i;m gonna lose my mind?

well im 23 years old.. when i was 17 i witnessed my dad being murdered in our home.. my brothers were in their room and my mom was screaming in the drawing room.. thats what woke me up... and thats when i saw 3 men kill my dad! to go through **** llike that as a teenager i just thank god my brothers and sister werent there to see it happening cus i know it would have messed them up big time.. but anyways... my mom , my entire life has always put me down.. never encouraging me to follow my dreams only hers... doctor this and that since my entire family is educated no one has ever put any effort outside of that stuf s,, ,llike sports or art.. when i was a kid i was a ace soccer player and community leages noticed wheni was 11 yrs old and asked me to play with bigger kids my mom declined with out asking me.. i took up music and vocal . and i must say im pretty good and whne my coaches would request companies to come and see me she again would decline with out asking me i continued with what i was doing until i was 17.... it seems that anything i do even now at 23 isnt good enough.. now shes trying to get a me a job at a bank even though i dont want to.. i luve to travel... it keeps my mind off of things like what hapenned when i was 17 she doesnt get me , not my brothers my sister or anyone else.. my dads family said we died for them the night my dad died and my moms famioly his been nothing but verbally and emotionally abusive.. and i hate that my mom is that way with me especially after everything we have gone through and put up with.. i gave up my child hood for 3 kids ( my siblings) cus my mom was the type to not care and those kids are the only thing i have left of my dad's .. but wut really gets me is how she makes me feel bad for trying.. trying to be my own person.. trying to learn the world outside what i was brought up in.. which was abuse and i have a tonne of scars to prove it.. she makes me feel worthless and stupid cus all the girls in my family my age are getting married or are either married with atleast one kid.. im not getting married any time soon lol. i knwo that but she makes me feel bad cus she says it will never happen cus im dumb.. even though i know im 23 im an adult and i shouldnt care but i do cus shes my mom,,,.. i worked say in and day out to build our famnily a home afte we lost ours when my dad died and she acts ungrateful.. i probably wouldnt have but i did cus of the kids.. we were liviing in a 2 bedroom 1 bthroom rental with teh 5 of us full of cockroaches :((( it swas awfull and embarrassing for my briothers as they would want frnds over but didnt cus they hated it! but what shoudl i do with her..? she sthe only parent i have left and family really and both sides dont like talkiong to me cus im adopted.. :/

im sorry about it being so long but it just hurts that all.. i have worked realy hard to give my sibling a better life than what i've had.. a little insite would be nice.. thnx guys