I still havent figured out how to break out of this mindset how do you break it?

Question

I'm 23 years old and when I leave my house and am around people I'm constantly thinking negative thoughts about myself. It always has something to do about my face.. I feel like my natural expression resembles someone who is not sure about himself. I'm always thinking people think I look like a wuss and my sad worried facial expression is only showing how I feel. Its hard to look at people I just always think I have a weird facial expression on. An example is the otherday I went to a gas station and I waited in the car while my dad went inside. There was a car with people and I looked over for a second and caught a glimpse then returned to lookin straight ahead after I did that I heard some girl  say wussy but with a p instead of the w. This was said out loud to where I could hear it and it made me feel like it was directed towards me like its just obvious I look like a completely weak person and I honsestly feel like it everewhere I just don't have confidence and it shows. This was part of the reason I lost a relationship with a girl I was with a few years ago and I know my freinds can sense it too. When I'm at home and I look in the mirror I see a good looking guy and I've been told by three different guys in my life that I'm a good looking guy. I'm always inside and that's the only comfortable place I have when I'm out there I'm constantlyuncomfortable I rarely leave the house maybe a couple of times every two weeks. I'm seeing a phsyciatrist but he's giving me the same answers that everyone else does and its to talk to myself before I enter places and give myself positive talks and this just doesn't get rid of the negative thoughts feeling I get when I'm around people. I am so hard on myself some of the thoughts about myself are so ridiculous and I don't deserve to be treated that way its not fair to myself. Does anyone know any ways I can overcome this? If you were like this how did you beat it? I just don't want to keep living like this.

azfreehiker · Answer

Yes, I have experience with this.  It stuck with me until I had a memory wash-out at 
age 45 (medical condition, my name for it, due to dry cleaning fluid on my skin over 
many years).  After that, my old "tapes" were gone and forgotten, along with my short-
term memory and word retrieval.  I eventually discovered some smart drugs.  Another
story.

I believe this will help:  Substitution.  This is a technique similar to the inspirational
speakers who memorize all the names in the group.  They are using their own associations
from peoples' names, so they can access the association when they see that face.  

Say you have a tape you can identify:  "I'm a wimp; I have no class, no honor, no
dignity".  When you feel or hear it play, invent a physical response that you can do 
each time.  Try tapping your flattened fingers of the right hand on your chest.  That's
something you could do while walking, driving, riding a bus, on hold on the phone, in 
bed, in the shower.  

You can say you have gone to an action mode with each occurrence, right?  Now, 
after about 25 actions, you have mastered that phase.  Now you can substitute 
another action.  Try a smile.  Do that for 5 of these tape plays.  Now substitute a 
positive picture; maybe it could be you hugging your Mom.  

Now it's time to substitute a new thought with one of those previous actions or 
pictures.  Invent your own, or use mine to start.  With the hand tapping on the chest, 
say "I am learning to love my body".  (Didn't say I DO love it, but I'm learning).  

Now substitute another new thought for one of the actions you were doing.  With the
smile, now say "I could sell electric cars with this smile, because I'd make a good 
living at it".  Practice in the mirror in your bathroom.  Salespeople do this, actors do
too.  Try different poses, remember any that look good.  Do this 5 times in one day.

Go on, find more negative tapes.  Work on them this way.  Don't stop until you have 
gotten to the last negative tape.

I still havent figured out how to break out of this mindset how do you break it?

1 Answer