Is this working, or is it trying too hard? If you think it's working, suggest a title?

The passion of this piece is intense and inspirational, however, I find it “Wordy” but none the less brilliant.

I see your poem like this;-

GODS PIANO

The piano a forest fire

raging across the countryside

No chance of rain,

no sad drops of melancholy

crescendo,

building,

hard notes

and staccato phrases

Life

becomes music

becomes life

Flames roar

world explodes

kaleidoscope of passions,

Red, Orange,

the violent shades of yellow

Roar of heartbeats turns to drums

pounding rhythms of destruction

creation and

realization

A gentle breeze

uncovers

innocent, virgin fields

with something like understanding

remains

of blackened skeletons

past and existential dust

rest,

falling silence,

with heavy air

a piano with the profound sense

that something has mattered

that something this time

has changed.

I agree, and that i understand precisely what you're asserting. whilst Matt hit Jeff with the chair, it easily gave me desire that Orton does not win. So he wins. this is like, beginning an rather good feud they don't end. Kingston prevailing grew to become right into a pretty marvel, yet nevertheless, as much as i admire Kofi, Kane extremely deserved to win that adventure, and the removal Chamber. whilst's the final time he had a real international championship, not counting the ECW Championship? permit's circulate back to...1998!? And he had it for...below 24 hours!??! i'm fearful approximately WrestleMania, because of the fact this is looking predictable and a sleeper, which does not artwork for the twenty 5th Anniversary.

Any one who feels the crescendos and bases on the piano keyboard when being teased expertly will hear the strength in this piece.

It may need some work as all pieces do at some point, I am no critic

I felt the build up and the let down as I should when reading a poem of this type..

I have no clue what you would do to make this better as reading it a second time it does not clearly show itself.. It actually felt better.

This is very good. I think it works pretty well. Some parts dont flow as nicely as they could just a bit of work on your metaphores would make it better but I personally loved it.

As for a title how about, Keys of change. Or maybe The Existential Key.

NICE....Several times I have started to say something and then the music in the words took over. Creating it's on timing, a sense of flow, an ability to steer as if the beat is predetermined. Target notes, pentatonic riffs in our hearts, Dorian modes of peculiar circumstance.....

hmmmm...sounds a lot like, Life

Again, I like this....Nice

It's trying too hard, but just needs some careful pruning and attention to sound and detail. I like the simile of the piano/fire, that is fresh. As a title perhaps Burn Zone. Careful with the abstracts: sad drops of melancholy; kaleidoscope of passion. Also watch those one word lines, can they pull off what they need to do?

Good luck.

Only the second line to me felt over the top, the use of countryside to be the audience of the music, was too great a hyperbole. Title - Grandeur of Baby Grand.

I am not good with titles but I will lend my 2 cents worth.

Piano Silenced.

I like the use of piano music for the course of life.

I like it it could be a little better if you change some of the words but, it flowed really well! And for the person named St.Mildred Ludwalla Ludmilla ignore her she commented on my rap and what she says doesn't mean nothing because, her oppinion doesn't count cuz what she says is stupid!

This works for me. Saw Australia as I read....and have friend there that plays/loves piano so with recent fires that may be why I like this so much. Love your stuff