Anyone else make their spouse take a break?

I think you did the right thing... taking a break may help him see what pain he is causing and it will give you time to think. You should let him know that he needs to straighten up because his actions are unacceptable. He needs to think about more then just himself... so yes you did the right thing... stick to your guns, get your head straight and go from there, Good luck

Earlier this week, a young man wrote a question about his wife wanting to take a break. His complaint was that his wife didn't want to be a wife and mother, but he said nothing of how he contributed to the issues in the marriage. I'll tell you what I told him: Divorce. IMHO, once you get to taking a break, your marriage is broken. Far from being a help to each other, you can't even think when he's around.

You may think that his drinking and smoking weed isn't the biggest problem- but it is. Especially if he suffers from clinical depression and has anger problems. If he's smoking pot and drinking, he's altering his brain chemistry. He is going to be a jerk. He may become violent. And he will be full of self-pity, like most addicts are; and unable to see that he's making you suffer, like most addicts can't. Period. He's going to be depressed, and medication won't help until he's Clean and Sober. He's incapable of being a good husband or parent until he's cleaned himself up.

I would ask him to leave permanently, and begin divorce proceedings- not because I'm heartless, but because I've had 14+ years Clean and Sober, and I know how hard it is for someone with addiction and anger problems to turn their life around. Most of the people I got sober with have relapsed... He may never get turned around. You may love him, but do you really want to spend the next 25 years taking care of him? You have a right to a life too. The diseases of Alcoholism and Addiction usually take about that long before they even start to resolve without treatment- if he's lucky to have the type that goes into "spontaneous remission".

Made small edit- biggest.

I asked my first husband to go live somewhere else so I could think too. Then it became all about him and none of the marital issues we had, so I filed for divorce. That was 14 years ago. We had a son and he sees him on a regular basis. I am married to the most wonderful man in the world now, so I know what I did was the right thing to do.

Time for you to start worrying about your pain and the pain he is putting your son through. Should go ahead and hand him the divorce papers. Save all the anguish (sp?). How long has this been going on? You've tried helping with counseling, meds, etc...get on with your life. Don't let him drink and smoke your life away.

Best wishes.

Taking a break is a good idea. It will give u some time to c if ur husband is willing to change and seek help, if he does I would suggest that u give him moral support and help him through this difficult time, it will not b easy. It will show ur son the strength of a family staying together. But if ur husband does not show any signs of changing then u will need to do wut is best for ur family to protect ur son and ur self. I really hope that ur husband seeks help, have u talked to his family and try to get him some intervention that could possibly help. Also remember people who have an addiction do not think they have a problem, they think it's everyone around them who does, they r in denial and also this is called a brain disease (addiction). I wish the best for ur family.

A break is usually what marriage counselors recommend. It's not a bad thing and does not mean the marriage is over. If your man has depression have you taking him to see a psychologist?? Maybe he needs medication to help him out. Also what type of weed is he smoking ? Is it indica/sativa?

They can help him set his mood it all depends which one he is smoking one can make you happy the other one makes you just be a homebody. Also do you understand depression? You know is not something that you can make him snap out of it from one day to another. Sounds like he needs help and yes Sweet right now he cannot see your pain. It's not that he's being selfish...he is just mentally not stable at the moment. Have him be on the right medication and he will be how things were at one point in our marriage!

I think we may have all been there at some time....I know I have for some of the reasons you mentioned and some others.

But, it seems that you've been holding on for a very long time and nothing is going to change. You can't help someone who does'nt want to be helped. You do what is the best for you and your son emotionally and mentally; not just financially.

What I did ... though different reasons .... was I gave myself a time limit and a vision of where I wanted to be. Or rather WHO i wanted to be.

When the time came .... and I looked at how things were going, pro and cons .... and if things were leading towards my aim or away .... I made choices .... and when I chose to stay because things were improving .... I would set new time limits ... This helped me become ME. And get my own two feet under me ...... When it became obvious that we couldn't make it through ...... I knew I had tried .... I even had documentation. And I was much happier with myself.

When someone is depressed they cannot think of others. It is hard enough to get up in the morning. He needs individual therapy not just family counseling. I don't know your situation but you need to make sure he gets help. You are in a healthy state of mind I would assume but he is NOT. So he is not thinking rationally and probably not doing rational things. So you can't compare yourself to him. You need to be a bit more understanding.

I had to ask my x-wife for a give me a break(kit-kat bar)... she was doin drug, and i was the last to find out...had a boyfriend(gonna kill him, but he was a cop)... she took the money i gave her to pay the house note and doin who knowz what with... i looked up, the water was off, some man was at the door to repo HER car...and i was the last to know... and to top it off she getz fired from her job... so i told her this is it, stick a fork in me i was done(burned is more like it) I said here's 1500 hundred dollars, take the kids and get an apartment. She made a bee line rite to her mother's house... So i get stuck with 889 per month child support... bad credit... and live'n in my mother's basement... but, in hind-sight i've seen what divorce has done to my kidz...they needed me, but they didn't wanna live with daddy(daddy had rules) try to make the best of it if only for your son(he may need the both of you)