Roxxy

I'm always feeling hopelessness and suicidal because I was bullied at school for 3 years (from year 3 to year 6). I'm always bullied at home and I've tried killing myself before. I'm 11 years old (I know it's weird how someone as young as me could want to kill myself) and I'm going to secondary school this year in September and I'm scared of the people above me because apparently they fill bottles with water then screw the lids on tight and throw them as hard as they can at you and sometimes the lids can come off because they throw them that hard. My brother whacked me with a wire and nearly broke my fingers when I was somethin like 6-8, my sister strangled me when I was 9, my other sister kicks me all the time, everyone in my house tell me either to shut up or go way or be quiet, my dad shouts alot and also swears alot and my mam also shouts at everyone and finally I've got told by both my sisters to go and just die and that no-one loves me and that the world would be better off without me. Sorry for the long story but I just need to know if I could be depressed. PS, I don't tell anyone about what I feel because I always think they don't understand. PPS, I do have friends but I fall out with them alot because they can sometimes tease me.

My sisters and brother taunt me every day of my life and my oldest sister actually strangled me once, so that kinda traumatised me into thinking all I can do is make people want to hurt me and that I'm not good for anything (that's when I started saying why can't I just die), and my brother whacked my fingers with a wire and my other sister kicked me really hard on my leg and all my parents do is shout! I'm 11 and when I got whacked by a wire I think I was about 5 or 6 and when my sister strangled me I think I was maybe 9 and when my other sister kicked me hard well that's alot of the time. I keep thinking whenever someone says my name that they're saying something bad about me. I actually tried to kill myself last night, I wrapped a wire that was plugged in around my arm and went to sleep because I always toss and turn.And then that wire went round my neck 2 or 3 times and I just had to make one more turn until I was choking to death but before I did I tried thinking of happy times but even then they turned out to be sad. So I said to myself, "I don't remember anything happy staying happy! I had a bully at school for about 3 years which I never told anyone about, whenever I get new things they end up either lost or broke in the next 24 hours because I never get to use them it's always everyone else, everyone shouts and me and just tells me to shut up and calls me names and kicks and punches and just pretend as if I'm not there, my own sister actually slammed a car door in my face and that's carried on but they missed but I was so close to being hit, my sister swore at me and my dad shouted at ME for it, I feel like no-one likes me and if I did die then there would be people actually dancing on my grave!" it wasn't till I thought of the pain it would cause me to choke myself when I actually stopped. For once I said to myself "I don't wanna die! I wanna see the future and grow up!" but I made a mistake I actually was very tempted to go in the kitchen, get a knife lock myself up somewhere and cut myself but all my family was in the room so I didn't have a chance of that happening. So long story short, is there something wrong with me? And sorry for the long text. P.S. I don't trust anyone with my private life and I have a good reason why.

About every half hour it keeps turning itself off. But, it's only when I go on the Sims 2! Anyway, i have quite a few problems that showed up on McAfee but I fixed most of them except 1. My detection signature is more than 30 days old and I've been asking my dad to renew for a few days but my sister is saying she's been promised it when he said to me when I first asked him and he said "Yes" but, if I know my dad he doesn't really listen so he replies with answers like: "Yes", "No.", "We'll see." and things like that. So I'm not sure if he listened or not but... I need help! I have a Toshiba Laptop which is getting old and I know that because my graphics card is from 2008 but I think I got this Christmas 2008-10. I know it doesn't sound long but for a laptop I know that's getting old. Help me! I'm getting scared, I've had quite a few virus problems in the past and I've had to reset my laptop 3 or 4 times because of them. I don't know what to do!!!!!!!!! My dad will just sigh and say: "What have you been on?!" (he says that when he listens, if it's not about: money or problems, with problems being the one he hates the most, he doesn't listen alot of the time!) I don't reply usually then it normally results in me getting told off when he finds out... Because he thinks it's youtube and cheat sites and all that stuff when I know it's definately NOT youtube because lots of schools use youtube and their computers and that are fine! So long story short, help me I don't wanna have to reset my laptop back to factory settings again.

I'm always looking around and over my should because I think someone's there, whenever I go up the stairs I always look down as I'm going up and whenever I'm going down I always look up. I'm too scared to even go near a spider because I have a terrible phobia of them... I've asked a question about Paranoia on here as well. Whenever I hear a noise I jump and it's normally when I'm alone in the house and the noise comes from the kitchen and it's not a tap dripping or stuff like that, it's as if someone is in there and then something drops and I hear something else but the light stays off and it makes me run over to the sofa furthest away from the kitchen and curl up as small as I can just watching the door. I also have a phobia for horror movies, especially for some reason movies that contain zombies, I hate movies like... well I can't type it because I'm scared, anyway I imagine them everywhere especially the zombies because I had a nightmare before when I was like 5 years old where me and my dad were in the kitchen and suddenly zombies just came out of no-where! They came out of the garage so we ran outside then they came through the garden and we were trapped! Luckily, I always wake up before I get killed! And when I was 4 I kept having nightmares about evil clowns (which is why I'm really scared of them now!) coming out of my school when I was walking to school with my mam and sisters and brother, when the evil Ronald McDonald comes out of the door then screams and runs towards us with razor sharp teeth and just before he reaches us I wake up with a scream!!!! Are these signs of Anxiety?

I just found out I had anxiety because I thought I had paranoia but it's anxiety but I don't know who to tell... My parents either won't even believe me or just make a big fuss and call the hospital as if it's a terrible disease and I can't tell my friends because they won't believe me or just tell their parents so I'm stuck and I can't talk to my doctor privately because I'm a child. I had the same problem with this when I was bullied, I just wouldn't talk to anyone about it then my brother found out because of a comment I made on youtube. I'm always getting pushed (not literally but pressured) into talking about it but I always put it off. I'm not gonna talk to my teacher because I don't trust teachers because they would tell my headteacher and I'd be classed as a "special need kid". Help me, I don't know what to do!!

One of the bad things for this is that I'm scared of horror films and the rest of my family loves them. I'm always quickly turning my head because I think someone or something is behind me and whenever I go to bed I always close the curtains and go under my cover so I know nothing can get me and nothing is looking in on me and normally I have to cover my eyes because I'm claustrophobic. Am I paranoid? I'm not sure but I think I am at least a bit paranoid.

I just took a depression test and here are my results:

Major Depression: High

Dysthymia: Moderate

Bipolar Disorder: Very High

Cyclothymia: Very High

Seasonal Affective Disorder: Extremely High

Postpartum Depression: N/A. I think it's got maybe a good chance I am depressed, can someone please just make me sure if I am or not? Thanks.

I was waiting in line to get some food on holiday and there was lots of people in the line and suddenly I just couldn't breathe and whenever I go under my covers I feel like I can't breathe and I find myself almost panicking to death because I can hardly breathe. Are these signs of Claustrophobia?