jushere

I am wondering if anybody else understands how I feel. I used to thoroughly enjoy sex and everything related to it in my twenties. After marriage, kids, ups and downs of life; I don't have the capacity to get excited about sex in any way. I can participate, achieve the big"O" and all that but I have no desire to ever initiate it and I feel like if somebody told me i would never have sex again i would not blink twice. I never heard of such a thing because most people in my situation feel some loss or frustration but...I feel not a thing almost literally. I'm happy in general with my life but I wonder should I be worried? Besides the possibility that my husband may not be able to handle this situation forever, I feel almost free or unburdened. I enjoy the focus it gives me to not have sex as a distraction. So, like I said, anybody else understand how I feel?

I meant candidate : ) oops!

Emotionally I have nothing left for my husband and maybe we shouldn't have gotten married but we did so why cry about it. I guess i just want to have a place to mourn what we could have had if not for his being emotionally and verbally abusive all these years. I wish I hadn't allowed hin to treat me like **** for so long. now it seems like no matter what he does I just don't care. All his loving gestures just roll right off me like water on a duck's back.Sometimes when we have sex I have to grit my teeth to keep from telling him to stop touching me. We both have gotten older and wiser and I recognize his attempts at showing me love for what they are but I simply can't feel them because I'm stuck with his voice in my head calling me names and screaming atme in front of my son. This didn't happen all the time but enough to be imprinted on my brain. I built up a wall to protect myself from his callousness and now I can't even break through it much less him. I can't release my love to him or let any in. Like I sadi just venting, mourning whatever you want to call it. Now i know what they mean by too little, too late.

I married a man I've known since 3rd grade and I dont think we ever really loved each other. Seems like circumstance brought us here more than sentiment. I'm just curious to know what it's like when a man really loves his wife.